Even in the after life ima fight your soul, cus the second time around il be twice as bold.

This week has been mentally challenging, but i've made some decisions and i think im genuinely happy about the future plans im making. I feel like its the first time i haven't been stressed going to bed in a long, long time. Like i think i might actually be able to sleep tonight,

How exciting!

Today was lovely, Had a pretty stressful college thing to work out but other than that it was very nice.

Friday tomorrow, so clearly going out as usual, then saturday sounds like a gorgeous day,

Electric relaxation in the shaw, followed by twisty pep for a birra side boob as soon as you hear, then a delicious boat party.

Nighty night.

x

Wishing on a new moon, Something betters coming. Its coming soon.

Re-found Rescue me by madonna while on the bus, I had forgotten how much i loved it.

The lyrics are so beautiful, I sound like the biggest FAG now, but they really are, and im not even a HUAGE Madonna fan.

With you I'm not a little girl, with you I'm not a man

When all the hurt inside of me comes out, you understand

You see that I'm ferocious, you see that I am weak

You see that I am silly, and pretentious and a freak

With you I'm not a fascist, can't play you like a toy
And when I need to dominate, you're not my little boy
You see that I am hungry for a life of understanding
And you forgive my angry little heart when she's demanding
You bring me to my knees while I'm scratching out the eyes
Of a world I want to conquer, and deliver, and despise
And right while I am kneeling there
I suddenly begin to care
And understand that there could be
A person that loves me

Im not very good at this but il give it my best shot.

1. Im tired but still awake.
2. Friday was fun, Saturday was not.
3. Tuesday is making me sick.
4. Alcohol is a horrible person who i keep having sex with, Its all fun at the time, but the morning, oh god not fun at all.
5. Facebook should have a limit of usage.
6. Im afraid of the decisions i have to make this week.
7. I want it to be summer.
8. Im not ready to grow up.
9. I've never done this before so I'm nervous.
10. My leg shakes when im nervous or scared.

Faith without deeds is dead.

''For we, we are not long here
Our time is but a breath, so we better breathe it
And I, I was made to live, I was made to love, I was made to know you
Hope is coming for me
Hope, He's coming''

Brooke fraser

Underneath the leaves

where the blackbirds turn blue

If there’s room for me

There’s room for you

No need for tomorrow, when you cant find today.

Its only 1 o'clock and iv been hit in the face with a truck load of stress.

I dont even know where to start, I've alot of important things i need to figure out before the end of next week along with other things.

And im scared, petrified about the consequences.

Basically My head looks like this now.

And i really really need to file.

I make shit

Ultimate faggot jacket

Bat winged black leather+long fringe+golden FAG

Cannot wait to ware it.

(crap pic)

Im creeping on your bitch ass.

Sopor Aeternus

''I somewhat envy this naturally beautiful man,

he never knew or encountered

the hatred and shame that I bare.

The doubt, the cloak of disgust

and the all-devouring dread,

and if I told him about it, he might only

shake his head with kindly amused,

melodious laughter, he then would perhaps

merely smile at my ... oh, so stupid silliness ... and the beast

that is raging inside.''

So i was playing the shuffle game on itunes and came across Sapor Aeternus. A german transgender artist, A truely beautiful singer. Like nothing i've ever heard.

And the lyrics so touching and honest. I cant even deal with the song i found in my library.

Anyhoo I woke up at like 7. 45 am and how sad is it that i actually thought my clock was wrong and went to change it to pm because WHO gets up at 7 am CLEARLY it has to be pm, Then checked my ipod and Whatdya know its AM actually.

So i decided to get shitz done today, because iv've decided that there's no hope in living a normal healthy life if my surrounding shitz not organized.

Otherwise things are good i think that for once things might be working out, who knows. The full moons coming as-well which is always nice for dreaming.

music vid for said artist above

Jake the friendly virgin.

Seriously need to get a job, I hate being broke, I hate being hungover, I hate going out 3 nights in a row but i do it anyway.

Fun things now, Myself and friends are setting up a zine, and tomorrow we're doing a little shoot for it, so thats fun. Im styling one of the looks along with 5 others, cant wait to see what everyone else does. I should be doing college work now, but of course im not. I need to shower.

Id also love a cup of tea.

Im a little obsessed with this picture, i want her eyes on my face.

The kiss

Beautiful people, beautiful video.

Beautiful song. Beautiful paris.

Beautiful things that will never happen to me.

Fuck you.

xoxo

Love from a fucking mutant, compared to you.

The Kiss - by Matthew Brookes from Chris Boals on Vimeo.

Each day drags by until finally my time descends on me

Realizations.

My brain is literally in over load which does not allow sleep. Every-night i go to bed at the some what reasonable hour of around 3, I lay awake my brain thinking of every thing thats possible to think about until its about 7.30 - 8.00

I think about college, making things, Projects, ideas, ways to get out of trouble...etc

I think about having the power to stop time.

I think about winning money and buying a house and renovating it, i go into detail with each room, i cant stop, picking who i would like to live with, where it would be.

I think about friends, the going rights and the going wrongs. I think how to fix things, how to make things better.

I think how if i could change my life i would. i.e being healthy, doing productive shit, being a better person.

I think about if i was given the magical gift, that i can choose to change things about my appearance and then i go to sleep and i wake up with said changes. What would i change?

I think about death, my funeral, other peoples, how id react. would i sing? which may lead to me listening to chosen song lets say 20 times while rehearsing in my head.

I.e at my mothers funeral i'l sing ''I go to sleep'' by sia. I sing in bursts of tears eventually falling to the ground, clearly waring a white flowy gown.

How do i turn my brain off, my sleep pattern is next to kin of a meth addicts.

Im considering getting sleeping tabs.

I need my brain to shut off, its not fair to my body.

Every body dies but not everybody lives.

Shake it like a salt shaker

I am crying... crying for someone to see the importance of being free, that some will never be

Heavy weight.

Holidays are over, and now im wishing i could time manage. I now have a shit load of work to do, and still today i woke up at like 4, then went to dinner with friends. Its now nearly 8 and im just about to start work, coffee and tiredness is all i can plan for the next few days.

On another note this weekend was rather fun, but thats all i can say for friday, You'll never know the rest. Saturday dean took some photos of me for the shop launch, then Conor Behan came in and they filmed and episode of Following fade street In the shop which was hilarious, rented dvds and chilled for the night, jolly.

boo

You could spent your whole life working for something, just to have it taken away.

I like to start my year at it's lowest point, so i can only go up.

Last night was unreal messy, I didnt eat and therefor thought it would be a great idea to drink 14% wine in like 30 mins and then a can of disgusting cider. Dont remember leaving my house, Ended up thowing a pint glass at a man because he wouldnt let me dance on the stage thing. He choke slams me to the floor and bouners come and take me away, police get called. They put cuffs on me I say ''Its okay im shaniqua''. Got brought to the station, put in a cell for a while and they let me go. I have bruises on my wrist from the cuffs.

Never a dull moment.

+++++

New years happened, I actually really enjoyed it. Which was nice compared to all the sort of shit new years. I've a shit load of work to do for college! Im still hungover 2 days later. Here's some nice pictures.